Day 7: Trail of (Blood, Sweat, and) Tears

As I write to you at this very moment, I am unable to bend my legs or walk without looking like I have had a questionable late-night rendevous. Why? You ask. Let me start from the beginning.
Since it was a beautiful Sunday afternoon and we are cutting back on our spending habits, we decided to get creative and go old school by having a family picnic at the park. So we packed up Rinks, Buddy Lee, and some sandwiches and headed off to a day of family bliss. We had a wonderful lunch and were so proud of ourselves for being so thrifty that we thought, Why not stretch out our family fun and go on a stroll on one of the trails? So we packed up Rinks in the stroller and Buddy Lee on the leash and off to the woods we go. You might even say we had a pep in our step, enjoying our scenery, appreciating the simple things in life that money can't buy. Sure, there were hills that were at least 45 degree angles, but I was welcoming the challenge since I am still trying to shrink my ass.
We are having great conversation along the way, so good in fact that we don't realize that we have been walking for an hour. We look and see that we have walked almost 3 miles. Hmmm? Here is a timestamped look at how the rest of the "stroll" that started at 1:30pm went...
2:15pm, Mile 4: We casually start to wonder when this trail is going to end, surely anytime now, right?
2:33pm, Mile 5: We look at each other nervously as there is clearly no end in sight anytime soon, but neither one of us wants to admit it, so we say something about needing some exercise and laugh uncomfortably.
2:48pm, Mile 6: Rinks has practically spent a full day of daycare- all in his stroller- as he has already played, napped, eaten lunch AND a snack and then is back to sleep again.
3:05pm, Mile 7: Ashley at this point starts getting Walker's Delirium, as I have now named it, and starts ranting on about how the trees are really alive and naming off flowers that look like Trumpets.
3:23pm, Mile 8: My legs are in the third realm of hell so I start pleading to God that if he would miraculously send a cab then I will never swear again (He didn't, so f*ck that).
3:41pm, Mile 9: Ashley starts negotiating who would be the first to be sacrificed for food so the rest of us could survive (Buddy Lee was the unanimous vote).
4:04pm, Mile 10: Like a veil unfolding from the heavens, we see civilization sprawling out before us and we practically start hugging and crying. But since we couldn't really move at that point, we just gave each other a knowing smile because when nature calls again, we will be heading straight to the nearest Chili's.

Rinks at Mile 6, during his SECOND nap.