Thursday, September 9, 2010


I am an addict, America. No, I am not hooked on phonics or drugs for that matter. It is something darker, more devious. I am addicted to the sweet, syrupy liquid poison known as Diet Coke. I thought it was an innocent relationship. I thought I could quit on my terms and tell it who was Boss. But two weeks ago I tried to divorce my toxic love and got a rude awakening. You might be wondering why I would cut myself off from such a delicious treat. My first red flag came to me at lunch one day while I was about to dine at (surprise) Subway. Just as I am making my way in line to build my sandwich I happen to glance over at the soda fountain and see my worst nightmare played out before my very eyes. The Diet Coke was "out of order." For any reasonable person this would have been a non-issue. But for an addict like me about to get my fix, this was reason enough to turn around and walk right out of the restaurant. And that is how my journey to sobriety began...and ended.

Step 1: Admittance. After realizing this was not normal I decided that maybe Diet Coke and I needed a break.

Step 2: Belief. I dug down deep to find the part of me that didn't need Diet Coke to get through the day.

Step 3: Discovery. What I found was there is no part of me that wants to go without Diet Coke throughout the day.

Step 4: Rage. After 3 days without my beloved bubbly, I turned into one of the cast members from "Bad Girls Club" with mood swings to match.

Step 5: Repentance. After apologizing to the innocent bystander at the red light on 8th and Wedgewood, I drove to the nearest Sonic.

Step 6-12: Who the hell knows. I arrived at Sonic and practically ripped the Route 44 Diet Coke out of the carhop's hand like Kanye West at the VMA Awards. And as I felt that familiar burn run down my throat like it had so many times before, things suddenly came into focus. And that's when I realized, if loving Diet Coke is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Sigh. (Burp)


  1. I almost just spewed my diet mt. dew out of my mouth reading this b/c I was laughing so hard. I found your blog through the LiveSouthNash magazine and live in Sugar Valley. Thanks for the great laughs! Many of your posts directly apply to my life and I thoroughly enjoy your humor and take on them!

  2. Thank you Christine, we are practically neighbors! Love hearing feedback that makes my head swell. :)

  3. You. are. hilarious. Thanks for the laughs tonight. Love the ripping visual a la Kanye.

  4. In November I will be off the bubbly goodness for two years. To this day I still dream of opening an ice cold can of Coca-Cola and guzzling it down like a frat boy shot guns a beer! Recently a co-worker opened a can of Dr. Pepper and I could smell it. Two years and it's still a battle!