Sixty days have come and gone and now as I gaze into the mirror, I see Halle Berry staring back at me. Ok, so maybe when you see me you will not see an African American Oscar winner. But I did lose 12 pounds and I have a new resolve that I have never had before. All in all, I didn't lose the full 20 lbs that I set out to lose but it isn't about the weight nor has it ever been about the weight. On this journey I have developed the confidence to take back control of what I once thought was a lost cause. I can't pinpoint the exact time when I acquired this newfound resolve but I think that it has to do with slow steady consistency, the turning over of the mind. The "Ah Ha" moment. Somewhere along the way in my life I convinced myself that I was not capable of changing my weight issues, but in reality I wasn't willing to let it go, to lift it up to see what it was actually covering. But during these 60 days I have discovered what that was, and it was fear. Fear of not succeeding, fear of boredom, fear of regret, fear of change, and most of all fear of having to face reality instead of being able to occupy my mind with weight. If I lost this weight, then I wouldn't have the scale to obsess over and that would mean that I would have to start focusing on (god forbid) the real problems with fear. The mental beating that I gave myself everyday over my body became the the dillusional voice in my head that masked itself as something I needed; something that was familiar and comfortable. Like I wouldn't know what to do if I patted myself on the back instead of cracking the whip over my own backside. (Did I mention I am my own therapist? And I can be yours too for the low price of $150/hr!)
But I have put down the whip, and picked up some new respect for myself, and an appreciation for what I am capable of. And that my friends, is Change.
Although this journey is far from over, I will move on to another (because I'm the one that came up with this stupid time line, and I am not one to break my own rules.) So moving on, out of my three options in the previous post, I have decided to take on Door #2, Financial. Because 1.) I have knocked out Door #3 because I am just too damn brilliant and 2.) I believe that your bank account and your waist size have more in common than we might think, so it made the most sense in transitioning. So hold on to your shoulder pads Suze Orman, because there is a new sheriff coming to town!
Coming up next: 60-days-to-change-my-bank-account-from-brokin'-to-smokin'